Published March 23, 2009
hey you guys, this is my first time putting my stuff on here, so tell me what you think. i dont mind critisism, as long as youre not doing it to be mean. but this is one of my shorter poems. its only 4 stanzas, and its not written in the type of style of free verse i normally write in. thanks!
“Hiding, Trying, and Tears”
I’m trying to hide that you hurt me
I’m trying to hide that I cared.
I’m trying to hide that you’ve torn me
I’m trying to hide the tears
I’m trying to hide all the pain you’ve caused
I’m trying to hide it away
But somehow, no matter how I’m trying
It just doesn't seem to fade
The sense of betrayal haunts me
The sense that I failed close by
No matter how hard I try to
I just can’t leave them behind
I’m trying so hard to hide the pain
I’m trying so hard not to cry
But no matter how hard I’m trying
A tear still slips by
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,616 Literary Works • 675,162 Reviews
thanks. and yeah. i agree. it wasnt one of my best poems. but i didnt want to put on a really long one first time, so i went with this one. thanks a lot though. and i'll try to fix it a little more
All in all, not bad.
It could be much more profound though.
Keep writing and g'luck!
<3